Posted by Patrick Corkum on April 15, 2010
Okay, so I am going to talk about bathrooms. I know…. I am such a guy. Seriously though, I think people who design these things have totally missed the boat. It was much easier 20 years ago to keep them pesky germs off your hands than it is now. When I was in High School, I volunteered at a hospital and I learned the proper technique for washing hands. Today, I go into some bathrooms and I have NO ability to do that. <People say I think about the weirdest things a little too much> The process today:
- Stick your dirty hands under the faucet. The faucet magically comes on and you do not have to touch the knobs.
- Stick your dirty wet hands under the soap dispenser. The foamy soap comes out almost as if it knew something was there to squirt it on.
- Shake off your now-clean hands and stick them under the hand-dryer that also happens to know that you are there and comes on without you touching anything.
- Walk to the door, stand there with your clean-hands and the door magically opens for you. Oh, wait. Let me try that again. Walk to the door, grab the handle with your now clean hands and open the door.
Okay, in what universe does that make sense? Not all bathrooms are like this, I know. Melissa, my darling wife, has pointed out that some bathrooms have new handles that you can use your arm with instead of your hand. Great! Yes, there are some bathrooms that still use paper towels, which are better. However, people think that they are not friendly for the environment (see the end of my post for why I am not so certain about that). With paper towels, you can grab the door handle with the paper-towel and open the door that way. The problem then, of course, is that people who design these bathrooms don’t think about that and don’t give you a place to throw the paper towel away. So, you are now stuck with a fashionable paper towel in your hand until you can find a trash can. Inevitably, or so it seems, you just go back into the bathroom and throw it away there and open the door with you bare hand. Genius!!!!
Okay, now for my short rant on hand dryers. In what universe are hand-blow-dryers environmentally friendly? These things are like 220V 20+ Amp machines! How many paper towels do you have to burn to create enough electricity to blow-dry your hands? Unless these things are super-powered by some mad-awesome solar-electric generators or something like that, how is this environmentally friendly? Okay, rant over for now. Have a nice day!
Posted by Patrick Corkum on April 14, 2010
So, the topic of conversation yesterday was: is it appropriate to talk about your *** life in a blog post. Certainly most of us would agree that there are definitely certain aspects of what goes on in the bedroom, or wherever it happens to take place, that are certainly to be kept between husband and wife. However, I have a big problem with the fact that Christians don’t want to talk about ***. God sure talks about it; try reading His book sometime, I hear it’s a best seller!
So, I ask, why not be open about the husband/wife relationship? Perhaps if we did, the divorce rate among Christians would not be the same as the rest of the population. What if newly-weds or pre-weds (is that a word?) were given a realistic view of marriage before they had their expectations shattered because they were set by TV and movies (and the media at large)?
Don’t worry, you’ll never hear me talk about the *****, or ***, and definitely not ********.
As for my wife, she has decided to “respond” to my post. You men can tell her that *** is not a “perfect end to a perfect day” or “an ultimate fix to a crappy one”. Rather, it is just the end of the day 
. AND, contrary to her opinion, it is definitely a theology post!!!!
Posted by Patrick Corkum on April 13, 2010
The conversation went something like this:
Melissa: I’ll blog about it if you’ll blog about it.
Okay, you know your life is a little weird when that phrase comes out!
Patrick: Ummm…. I’ll blog about it if you have *** with me 
.
Ahhh yes, the difference between men and women. I don’t get women when it comes to this kind of thing. Okay, let me rephrase. I don’t get my wife when it comes to this kind of thing as I am sure most of you men can understand. Oh, perhaps I should explain. We got to THAT part of the conversation from here:
Melissa: Kiss me.
Patrick: Ummm…. No.
Okay, STOP! I love my wife and I kiss her all the time. This isn’t me being a prick. This is me saying that we each have weird sicknesses going on.
Melissa: I’m not having *** with you if you don’t kiss me.
Patrick: Ummm…. What? <Insert monolog about *** life and kissing here>
Melissa: Well, I want to feel emotionally attached.
Patrick: Ummm…. What have we been doing for the last 10 years? If we’re not emotionally attached now, we’ve got an issue!
Melissa: But I mean in the moment.
Patrick: Ummm… I’ll tell you what I want in the moment.
I want to know why women think that 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 does not apply to them! Where does it talk about her mood? Or her “feeling emotionally attached due to kissing?”
Oh, and you bring up 1Cor 7:3-5, you might as well have signed a death warrant on you *** life. That being said, I wonder if I should have wrote that…
Posted by Patrick Corkum on April 11, 2010
My parents came into town this weekend for the Cherry Blossom Festival down in DC yesterday. Unfortunately, as I am sure you could figure out from my post on Puking, my wife and youngest son (Ty) were unavailable to attend the festival. There were a ton of people down there. It was unfortunate because the festival would have been really cool. That is, if you could see anything. The day was rather interesting and I could’ve chosen about 10 different things to write about from yesterday. I may still do that, but I thought I would post on our dinner because I love the restaurant so much. The restaurant is bd’s Mongolian Barbeque. The place rocks! I have been going there for over 10 years now. Everyone that I bring there loves it!
The restaurant is a really cool idea, and I have been to other Mongolian BBQs before, but this one really Americanizes it (is that really a word?). The premise of this place is that you take a bowl, fill it with raw food (everything from beef, shrimp, pork and chicken to different style noodles to an assortment of vegetables), fill a little cup with a sauce (such as Teriyaki, peanut, Szechuan, etc…), add some spices if you want, and then bring it to someone to cook on a really large grill right before your very eyes! <Here’s where you say “ooooohhhhh”, “ahhhhhh”>. Oh yeah, then you eat it. Now, I am a moron for not taking a picture of the food bar. But, I did take one of the grill:
Unfortunately, the picture I took does not really do a great job of explaining what goes on. Go Patrick! What they do is take a lot of people’s food and cook each person’s food right next to each other and three guys walk around the grill (not sure how they don’t get cooked themselves being over the grill for so long) and use these long knives to cut up and cook your food, moving one to the next. The great part is that when you get your food at the end of it all, you sometimes get a surprize! What is that surprize, you may ask? Well, my daughter figured it out quite quickly, noticing a green pepper on her plate. <She didn’t choose peppers from the food bar>. Now, you are saying, but I am a vegetarian, what if someones meat gets mixed in with mine? I say to you, stop being a vegetarian and eat some meat for crying out loud, it is good for you! They, on the other hand, have some sympathy, if you tell them, and put up barriers between the food to help you out. If you have an allergy, they have a grill in the back that they will cook the food on, just let them know.
I always love the food and there is something for everyone, no matter what mood you’re in. I took a picture of my creation <I love cheese and throw a lot on, I’m weird like that>.
Oh, you get to go back for as many plates as you want and they won’t make you eat one that you made if you don’t like it. Isn’t that nice? Anyway, moving on, my son was not feeling too well, it seemed he was quite tired. His appetite was a bit off, so he just got noodles:
Which, may I add, he ate almost nothing of. To show you how much he ate, I doctored the picture above a little to let you play a game of “Find the Missing Food” to show how much he ate:
Yes, there is food missing. It was his birthday, so they gave him a free sundae, which I took a picture of and which he ate more of than the noodles:
If you can’t tell, my daughter loves being on front of the camera. Fortunately, PJ didn’t eat too much of his dinner, because my wife would’ve had a lot more work to do when we found out in the middle of the night that he too has the bug that she and Ty had/have. See yesterday’s post on Puking. Anyway, all the employee’s wear shirts with sayings on them that really fit my sense of humor. The sayings are also scattered around the restaurant on other things too. For instance, on my soda glass:
Okay, I’m wrapping up the post, I swear! I know it is getting long. I am sorry, please forgive me. The place has one down side, in my opinion (at least the DC location). The food is good, but it is the kind of food that can make you have to use a special room, if you catch my drift. And, as for the men, they have a special room on the main level, which is a one person special room, and another up a short flight of stairs which has two standing spots and one full-service throne. That makes a total of 2 useful places for men for a large number of people. Fortunately, it has not been an issue for me, but, I imagine someday it might be. Anyway, if you have one near you, take your kids there, they will LOVE IT!
Posted by Patrick Corkum on April 9, 2010
You know, I don’t know what it is, but it seems I get in trouble with my wife for forgetting the dumbest things, yet she gets away with practically murder on a daily basis . I mean, sure, I forget to do things on occasion. Usually she’ll tell me to remember to do something that is hours or days away and I get in trouble with her each time, long after the fact <Regardless of whether or not she even remembered herself up until that point.> So, I forgot to change the headlight in the car. She acts as if though it is like the end of the world as we know it. Now her, she uses the microwave like it’s one of those off-site, long term storage places. Day after day after day, I find random food and drinks in the microwave. The other day, I found wings in the microwave that she was supposed to feed us for dinner the night before when we had guests over. I find a variety of teas and drinks that have their own eco-system because they have been in there so long. I find her breakfast left in the microwave, from two days ago! Now, I don’t know if she went and got something else to eat, but if not, it sure explains why she disappears from sight when she turns sideways.
Anyway, I am just saying, maybe she could lighten up a little on me when I keep forgetting to take down the Christmas lights until the end of March!!
Posted by Patrick Corkum on April 3, 2010
Last year, we had a great garden. We ended up with tons of cucumbers, hot peppers and tomatoes. However, we planted a few pumpkins and they didn’t really turn out all that great. They were going well and suddenly got diseased and died quite quickly. This year, we are going to try a few different things because of what didn’t work so well last year. Most of my ideas I got from our trip to Williamsburg last year and it just happens to be budget friendly.
Tomatoes
Okay, so last year, we planted a half dozen or so tomato plants. I went and bought a few of these triangular-style tomato cages.The tomatoes did well….too well. The cages crumbled underneath the weight and I ended up trying all kinds of things to keep them standing up. So this year, I am going to try something that I came across in Williamsburg….
Okay, the picture isn’t great, but it is basically an elevated mesh. There are sticks which are holding up a mesh of sticks and the tomatoes grow on top, keeping the tomatoes off the ground and within easy reach. It is quite ingenious if you ask me.
Cucumbers
So last year, we had a great crop of cucumbers and it will be hard to outdo last year. I cannot complain. However, I am trying something different to try and keep the cucumbers off the ground, saving me some space (not that I need it) and keeping them nice and clean. Again, the idea is from Williamsburg:
Okay, again the picture isn’t that great (since it is a crop from the same as the tomatoes). However, I am in the process of building a fence similar to that in the picture, just much longer. I am impressed as to the sticks that the gardener there got, so thin, long and straight. Mine are not nearly as nice, but they should work.
Peas & Beans
Our peas and beans did okay, not great, but not horrible. We ended up not having great success before because of rabbits, but we seem to have resolved that problem with clear plastic SOLO cups. However, we didn’t plant very many and we used a white plastic trellis to grow them up. That part wasn’t so great. So, I got ANOTHER idea from Williamsburg:
Again, same image, so excuse the quality. So, I modified it a little in mine, but I used the same concept. I should’ve probably made it the same, but we’ll see if mine works.
Lettuce
Okay, lettuce failed miserably for us last year…. we got nothing. This is partially because of rabbits, but I am going to try using some hair (no pun intended) to keep them away and use the following idea from Williamsburg:
Okay, different source picture, but same quality problem. Anyway, that picture is probably really confusing. Anyway, what you see is NOT lettuce, it is shade. We are going to use small pine branches to shade the lettuce when it is small so that the sun doesn’t scorch the seedlings. I hope this works, I’d really like to get some lettuce this year. We’ll see!
Peppers
Our peppers did quite well last year. Our habaneros had a small issue with insects, but generally they did well. I did have a problem with keeping them up off the ground. I didn’t have the problem the year before, but last year I certainly did. So, this year… you guessed it, an idea from Williamsburg:
This, although tough to see is like a teepee made from sticks. This helps the pepper grow up and stay straight. If nothing else, it looks cool .
Okay, so I’ve got more ideas, but I’ll save them for later…. I love my vegetable garden!
Posted by Patrick Corkum on April 2, 2010
So, I went fishing the other day and was out for a few hours. I fished for a good hour and a half casting in my lure over and over and over again in different spots, hoping to get a bite. Then, I decided to cast somewhere that I didn’t think anything would bite, and wham…. I wasn’t ready and missed setting the hook. About a half hour later of repeatedly casting and reeling, another cast and wham, missed again. Another half hour or so later… same thing. You end up getting so accustomed to dealing with the mundane that when the sacred shows up, you miss it, you just are not ready. Are you ready or are you too caught up in what is going on in your life everyday to set the hook when the time comes?
Posted by Patrick Corkum on April 1, 2010
Last year, at church, we decided to do a Seder dinner at church. A Seder dinner is the traditional Passover meal celebrated in Jewish households. What astonishes me is that the Christian church generally does not celebrate this. For the life of me, I just cannot understand why we don’t celebrate the Angel of Death passing over us. Jesus certainly celebrated the Passover. Although there are some who are uncertain, the consensus is that Jesus’ Last Supper was a Seder dinner. This is where he broke bread (Matza) and passed the cup (wine, not grape juice) saying this is my body, eat; and this is my blood, drink. Unfortunately, this year, we are not doing it at home. However, next year will begin an annual celebration for us of a Christian Seder at home on Passover. Experience it once and you too may want to start this long-practiced tradition in your home.
Baruch Ata Adonai, Eloheynu Melekh haolam
<Blessed are you Lord, our God, Ruler of the Universe>
Posted by Patrick Corkum on March 29, 2010
No school for me this week. So, I decided to take the day off and celebrate! I went fishing! Okay, I just really wanted to go fishing since opening day was Saturday and I didn’t get to go over the weekend. Fortunately, PJ had the day off of school today because it is the end of the marking period and he got to come with me. We had a great time! Unfortunately, we didn’t catch any trout 
, but we did catch a whole bunch of catfish. I was amazed at the number of people that were out there fishing today. I know Saturday was opening day and all, but I ran into a lot of people out there today. We went to a small pond first (to make sure we caught something) where they stocked trout last week. When we got there, it was packed! There were about 10 other people fishing in this small pond (smaller than some farm ponds) on a wet day during the middle of the week. I was really hoping to get out with some peace and quiet, but alas, nope! After we left the pond, we went to a river to check it out, but it was rather muddy and not so great. We had a couple bites, but didn’t stay long. While we were fishing in this pool down at the river which is maybe 20 feet wide, a guy decides it would be a great idea to park himself on the other side and fish the same spot. I was a bit annoyed, but made conversation with him (maybe it would drive him away). Instead, he tells me that he was there on Saturday fishing and people were shoulder to shoulder and he was annoyed that people brought their kids (since dads shouldn’t bring their kids on opening day because it is a day for adults to fish), but he bit his tongue. For those of you who aren’t fisherman, that is called irony. For those of you that are, let your blood pressure drop, it’s okay.
Posted by Patrick Corkum on March 26, 2010
Something that has struck me lately about this country and its culture are the two words liberty and independence. These are two words that have little to do with this culture and country. Let us start with the word liberty. Next week I’ll talk about independence.
Liberty
Our Pledge of Allegiance has the phrase “liberty and justice for all”. Do we truly have liberty? The answer is not a simple one, because it is both yes and no. I am not going to go off on the rant about the liberty to worship as I want (all though I could). Rather, I am more interested in how we do not have the liberty to do certain things that seem a little ridiculous. For instance, I do not have the liberty of putting a shed in my yard, even though it is quite big enough. I could go on and on about the things that I should be allowed to do if I so choose, yet someone (government or other ruling authority) says that I cannot. Unfortunately, people cannot self govern themselves, so we need laws in order to protect people from others.However, that’s where it should stop. Government should not be in the business of protecting us from ourselves. In addition, there needs to be very good cause for laws protecting us from each other. Stupid things like not allowing me to have a shed because people might see it is crossing the line.
What do you think?
